Sunday, May 24, 2009

slipping through my fingers

This morning started out not unlike that of a battle. I was so desperate for sleep and it became impossible as the kids began waking. I dragged myself out of bed and routinely got Emily her bottle. Trent was especially whiney, which added to my already ill mood. I retreated to a hot shower. Aaahhhh! So wonderful to have an escape. Luckily the kids can behave themselves while I am bathing.
We all got ready and rushed out the door to try and get to church on time. I was in such a hurry I forgot to grab Emily's diaper bad. Luckily they keep extra diapers in the nursery. Things were finally coming to a halt.
Graduation is next Saturday here where I live. So our church service was dedicated to the seniors that attend there. Along with several coordinated events, there was a skit that pretty much expressed the involvement of parents throughout a persons life. From birth to marriage. This pulled at my heart. My tears streamed down my face as I raced my hand to wipe them before my neighbors could witness.
At that moment I realized what had been plaguing me the last couple of days. Brenna is growing up each day and it is beyond my control. And I need to enjoy every waking second I have with her. Relish in the fact she wants to be near me.
Even upon opening and reading the material sent home with Brenna from school, designed to get her ready for kindergarten, tears came to my eyes. My self-assured little 4 year old was about to be 5 and she was delighted. While I was over there sulking at the loss of my first born.
Obviously I want my children to grow up and lead independent and successful and happy lives. But while I am so aware of the growth happening right before my very eyes it triggers these rivers. Now I must document it all. Break out the camcorder once again. Because that I can control.

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