Friday, November 27, 2009

Heading Out

Today I am leaving for a tiny roadtrip to see my sister, Ashley, and her little family. Just me and the kids-and my other sister, Chelsey and her boyfriend, Jerry. I am soo excited. But I still haven't packed. I am getting in the shower and then packing as soon as I finish this post. ha.

Yesterday was great! For some reason it felt like my rather large extended family was like it used to be. In the days when my Papa was here. We were all soo close, and yesterday everything felt real. It was nice. I can't wait for Christmas. I love that we all get together during the holidays like that. I always have.

And this year, when we took family photos like normal, I had my camera ready. Does that mean I am growing up? Oh, no.

When we got a shot of "all the kids"-it was weird to see us all grown up and with children of our own. And some of us married, or on the verge. (there were several people not there for one reason or the other-maybe one day we will get a photo with us all).

We made it to see the lights turn on this year. Barely though. ha. We got there 5 minutes before they turned them on. It was soo cool-to see a ton of the community gather to watch streams of lights being turned on for the first time this year. We didn't stay downtown for very long, because it was colder than I had anticipated. The kids had jackets, but Emily needed more.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


Today is Thanksgiving. A day to remind yourself of all the things in your life that you should be appreciative. Here is what I am so very thankful for: My beautiful children, Brenna, Trent, and Emily. That I have a nice home to live in. I have food to eat. My family's health. That even though Justin and I drive eachother crazy-we still love eachother. That my family all get together on the holidays and I get to celebrate with all of them-just like I have we have since I can remember. That I have awesome friends-there may be few-but that is because I know who is true-and that is all I want around. That my sisters are my friends. My children truly love one another and care about their family. That I am able to go back to school. That I have a job-well two jobs. For my artistic ability. For my happiness in life. And the love I have.

I better get off and get ready to share this day with the rest of my family.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Breaking Point?

Sometimes things happen in your life. And you aren't sure how to handle it. What will make you feel better? And it is worse when the person that should be by your side and that should be helping you feel better is the cause. Where do you go? What do you do? How do you escape the pain?

Handling heartache is very difficult for me. Especially when it comes from certain people. And there is a horrible feeling of helplessness. A feeling of wanting to escape, but wanting to fight it out. But where do you go when the pain will only follow you?

What do you say when you have bottled it up, because you are not allowed to talk about it?

How do you talk to someone who makes you feel like crap? And then makes you feel stupid for feeling like crap? And on top of that never knows how to make you feel better.

I think I am at a crossroads. The kind that changes you. Not necessarily your situation at first, but yourself.

Maybe this is it. But who knows.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'm Scared of that One

I was pulling up my email from Yahoo. And there was a picture of Micheal jackson. Trent was sitting on my lap, and as soon as he saw the photo said,"Ewww! Scary!!". I just couldn't help but laugh! And then he said, " I'm scared of that one. I don't like that one, monster." Too funny. Those were my thoughts exactly.

The Meaning in a Name

I accidentally came across the meaning of Brenna's name. I had never really though about it before. But it got me intrigued. I wondered what all our names meant. And this is what I found.

BRENNA is an American name meaning Sword. RYAN is an Irish name meaning King.

TRENT is an English anme meaning Thirty. ENDER is a Turkish name meaning Extremely Rare.

EMILY is an English name meaning To Strive or Excel or Rival. DRESDEN is a city in Germany, also a fine porcelain.

JENNIFER is an English name meaning Fair Phantom or White Wave. LEANN is an English name meaning Merciful, Gracious Field

JUSTIN is an English name meaning Fair and Just. ELI is a Hebrew name meaning Height.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Stuffable Nose

Our sweet little Emily is going through a phase where she wants to jam everything up her nose. I have used the *** to remove poptart a couple of times. And usually about once a day I remove threading from her bobby pillow we keep in her bed. That is a little trickier. I have to use the tweezers sometimes. haha. Brenna and Trent never did this.

If you look closely you can see the thread in her right nostril-all packed in there.

This darling girl also likes to steal food from anywhere she can get it. Poor Trent gets his juice and food stolen all the time. If you lay it down, or leave it too close to the edge of the table--Emily is going to snatch it up in a heartbeat. And she knows when she has takens Trent's she better run. it is so hilarious, she will grab his poptart or capri-sun when he isn't looking and then take off with a big smile across her face.

It is almost impossible to sneek into her room when she is asleep. Almost everytime, as soon as you open the door, she will quickly pop up-blanket in hand-arms reached out-and eyes closed. haha.

This is a rare instance where I was actually able to make it in her room while she was sleeping without her waking. I snapped one shot of her with the camera and she woke.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Good Morning and Sleepyhead Photos

Emily taking a late nap

Brenna likes to sleep in her clothes

Trent asleep on the couch

Goodmorning, Emily!

Goodmorning, Brenna! - before school

Goodmorning, Trent!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Photography Fun

Justin bought our new camera from a friend for an incredibly good deal!! Luckily we had a little money left over from my HOPE scholarship. I have been wanting an SLR camera for some time now-but they are SOO EXPENSIVE. Not within my reach. walks my husband one night with a used Canon Rebel xt with two lenses!! For way cheap! How could I resist. Since I have never used a camera of this caliber, I have been playing around with it. Only on auto mode. I plan on trying out manual mode this week though. WOOHOO! Chelsey came over Sunday to do a little photoshoot. It didn't last long. haha. And here are a few of the pictures from that day.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Brenna Ryan Hill

This is the girl, who stole my heart the moment I laid eyes on her. I never understood how this love I had for Brenna could ever be split up among other children. How would I ever love another the way I love her? But alas, I do. My other two sweets.

Brenna was born August 2, 2004. She was born at 39 weeks, with a scheduled c-section. The reason for the surgery was how large this child was. The doctor thought she'd more than likely get stuck while having a "normal" birth. Which, he still left the decision in my hands, but I opted for a c-section. I was not allowing them to break any of my child's bones to remove her from my pelvis. She was 10 lbs 2 oz and 21.75 inches long.

When I saw her, I was overwhelmed with love. It poured from my soul. Through tears. She was the most beautiful sight I had ever witnessed. I felt like once she was in my arms, I was completed. Here was this piece of the puzzle. They had found it. And put me back together. I was fulfilled.

Every year, as Brenna grew older, it was exciting. Exciting to see new adventures of learning different things. Right before she turned one, she started walking. Shortly after turning one, we began potty training. She was a pro. It took her about 2-3 days to catch on. And not too much longer to be without diapers during the days. At 2 she knew how to count, her colors, shapes. Then, Brenna became a big sister.

What a perfect child to have a sibling. She took to trent like he was her own.

Here lately, as the years fly by, I am no longer excited for new things to come her way. I am saddened my the thoughts of growing up. Of her walking down the aisle in her wedding dress. And I know these should be happy things. But my little girl will no longer be my little girl. She will be a teenager. And what does that mean?

I guess it is hitting me now, because I can see the change in her. I can see how older she is getting. Her personality is changing. She still loves to be hugged and kissed, and give hugs and kisses. I dread the day, she shrugs from my hug. I hope she never does.

My love for this child has never faded. With each child added to our family, my love for her only grew. I love you, Brenna. More than I could ever express. You will always be a part of me.

A Happy Halloween

We had a great tiem lastnight. We took the kids trick-or-treating. It was their first time. Brenna, of course, loved it the most. Their first house, Trent tried hard to push his way past the man standing in the doorway to get into the house. haha. It was so funny. He kept pushing the man's crotch to make it in the unknown home. It seemed like 5 minutes had gone by when we finally got his attention. But it was really only like 30 seconds. haha.

We took the kids to Justin's grandparents' neighborhood. Luckily it was the perfect move. They got their bags full, and we got to walk half of the way as Justin drove the car to follow. And when their were gaps between the lighted home, we would ride with Justin. Once we actually entered the neighborhood, our first stop was Justin's grandparents' home. I took the kids to the door, and as we entered the heat took my breath away. WOW! The air was so thick with heat. It took everything I had not to complain of how incedibly warm their house was that evening. But I didn't. haha. Needless to say, with Jusitn waiting in the car and me hardly able to breath through the warmth, we didn't stay more than a couple of minutes. I think I was sweating when I walked out. ha.

Emily trick-or-treated the first half, then rode with Justin the rest of the time. Trent rode with Justin for the last several houses. Brenna didn't want to stop. We had a great time.