Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Over the hump?

Marriage is HARD work!! Plain and simple. There are times you want to scream and punch your spouse in the face. There are times you feel more love than you imagined your heart could encompass. And there are also times that you just need to be alone. But with it all comes compromise and understanding. You have to listen and talk. You have to be friends and lovers. And most importantly do not give up, fight for your marriage.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

7 down, about 90 more to go

I have been working out for the past few weeks. I have not changed my diet though. And there was one week my work-out-buddy and I only went to the gym one day. I have lost a total of 7 pounds from my starting weight. This is not very much considering I needed to lose about 100 lbs, but it is a start. It shows me that with harder work and determination I will reach my destination.

Unlike some, I do not have days I wish I didn't have to work out. The days I can't I feel down. That is one more day of feeling like poop, and not being a healthy weight.

I have struggled with my weight pretty much my entire life. When I was about 4 my parents got divorced, so I would spend 6 weeks out of every summer with my dad. These 6 weeks consisted of my being able to eat as I wanted, no restrictions. And since there were several at my mom's, I blew this way out. There were several summers I gained 10 lbs, and then I'd lose it when I went back to my moms. My weight has fluctuated for the better part of my existence.

I have never been happy with the way I looked. At 115lbs, and wearing a size 2, I thought to myself "just 10 more lbs and I will be happy". Luckily I no longer feel that way. I think I felt the best about my body when I started dating Justin. He always made me feel great about myself, and still does. I was about 130lbs (a size 6) for the beginning of our relationship, and that is my goal now. I think I looked great that size. I was a healthy weight for my height and still had curves.

I think the most importatnt thing about weight is to be happy and comfortable in your body and to be healthy. Having gestational diabetes with all three pregnancies, I am at very high risk of developing it later on in life. And being overweight only makes those odds go up. This is just one of the many reasons I want to lose weight. I don't really like to say "lose weight". I have been saying "becoming healthy", because that is what I feel is the important issue with it all. And also because I do not want my daughters to feel the way I felt growing up. I do not want my children to be concerned with their weight. That in itself is unhealthy.

I will try to keep this updated with my progress. I do not really feel very comfortable disclosing my starting weight, but I will. I am 5ft 2in and I started out at 228lbs (according to the gym scale). My BMI lastnight was 40.1-very high.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Maid Service

I really wish I could hire a maid service to come clean my house a few times a week. Even once a week would help out. I hate cleaning. I love to organize though. So if someone could just come and do all the heavy cleaning and I will declutter and make things look nice. I need help witht he laundry. It just piles up in no time. I guess with five people that is bound to happen. Especially since 2 are under 3 and then the 5 year old loves to wear several outfits a day. Which I have cut out with threats. haha.

Things are about to change a lot around here. Justin and I are both going to be swamped with work and school. So I took today off to try and get things cleaned up and organized today (and I didn't want to have to ask someone to babysit). I have made a good bit of progress, but I still have a long ways to go. If I can just get it clean looking, I will get down to the nitty gritty this weekend.

I want to get things ready to bring the "new" desk in for the computer. I am very ready to retire this hand-me-down armoire and move on to the hand-me-down desk. ha. Then I will start making preparations for some new things, like twin beds for the kids, a new dining table and chairs, and there is more but I relaly don't have the time to list it all. I AM CLEANING. And I guess my break shuold be over now.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Without Notice

This evening Trent complained of his stomach hurting. Didn't think too much about it. He didn't complain much either, and then hopped up in Justin's lap. In almost no time Trent was asleep. This is not normal. Trent is such a night owl. But I thought maybe he was tired?

A couple hours later, just a few minutes ago, Justin went to our room-where Trent was laying, and yelled to me to come help. Trent had thrown up. Poor little baby boy. He thought he had peed on himself. I ran a bath, while Justin undressed him. While I bathed our little boy, Justin cleaned it up and changed the sheets.

He now feels better. And is laying on the couch watching tv, drinking the apple juice Justin made him.

And here I sit, trying to occupy myself with my school work, but not doing a very good job of it. Thinking how wonderful it is to have a great husband.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Into it ALL

I thought Emily had passed the awful "Into Everything" phase. But I was horribly wrong. She gave it a rest for a while, and now she is into it ALL more than ever.

She is into the trash. Into the pantry. Climbing on the table. Climbing on the toilet-and turning on the faucet to the bathroom sink. Climbing Brenna's ladder top he top bunk. Eating whatever food she can get her little hands on.

This child does not stop. She is talking tons, and a lot more advanced than I remember Brenna being. She is so sweet, but can be so mean. She is very sassy, and very funny. I can not believe this child is only 1 and a 1/2.

We are about to start potty training, as soon as my sister come and takes the dog back. We have introduced her to the potty and she is aware, so it shouldn't be too much work once we begin.

I am so thankful for this little tyrant. Although I was strongly against having three children. I feared someone would get lost in the mix, and the third would become a spoiled rotten brat. But Emily will not be. Luckily all three are so close in age, they become like one large mass. And no one will be forgotten. They will not allow such. I think Justin and I are doing a pretty good job of trying to keep a balance.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I Want to Scream

I am not, nor have I ever been, a morning person. Do not wake me, I will be grumpy. I will be mean. I will not talk. I want silence.

Having children, this is a problem. You can not sleep in. You have to talk and be chipper in the morning hours. And you can not be mean or grumpy when your children wakes you. And they always wake before me, therefore they wake me, or Justin does.

I am trying to help myself be better. But sometimes I need a break. And most of the time it is in the morning.

Life beckons and I stand still. Pondering all that is and all that was. But I am happy, and I do love my life for the most part. But I am only human.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

New Year Brings New Beginnings

I have always made New Year resolutions. But this year I decided not to. Mostly because I rarely follow through with them. I am just going to concentrate on the important things in my life and make the best of everything. Live. And that is all I can do. I just want to continue being happy.

While I am not making proclaimed resolutions, I have decided to do several things. Not because of a new year, but just because I want to. It wouldn't matter what time of year, or what year.

I have started getting Emily used to the toilet, and she knows when she does go potty on herself. She has not gone on the toilet as of yet, but I haven't really fully been in potty training mode. It's a bit much with training the puppy too.

I have been working out for about 3 weeks. And making a conscious effort about what food I put into my body. I am not anywhere I want to be as far as my health, but I know I am getting there. It is going to feel amazing. I already feel so much better regularly exercising and trying to eat healthier.

I will continue with my double major, in art and early childhood education. I have mapped it out and should be ready to transfer in a year. I also have plans to do more in my art. I have been feeling inspired.

I used to plan my future out, but have realized, three kids later, that there is really not much point in mapping it all out. I do want to move when I finish school, but we will see where life takes us. We might end up living in this narrow town forever. I surely hope not though. haha.

I know I need to enjoy my kids more. I need to document more from these years.

I took these photos in our yard the other night. It was freezing out, but I got some shots of the beautiful trees we have.