Awesomeness!

Well, I must allow everyone else to partake in the joy that exhaults from within me tonight. This excitement is due to the simple little fact that my painting ,'The Meadow', sold tonight. My first etsy sale!! I am thrilled beyond belief. I just put it in my etsy shop . I can not believe how fast it sold.

I am adding some examples for painted monogram canvases tomorrow. I need to finish them. They will be custom orders. I can do pretty much any request. So, if you are interested contact me at standonthedge@yahoo.com . I will also be adding more oil paintings. And I will be taking requests for those too.

Check things out. Soon I will also be adding some sewing projects. Like baby blankets, bibs, and burp cloths.

And I am definitely going to do the Twilight inspired paintings and more. So bookmark my etsy. And I started a myspace for my art. So add me if you are on there.

Here is a sneak peak of one of the monogram designs so far (without the initials/name):

DragQueen Fashionista

I guess this is what you get when your 2 year old son has a girly older sister that he thinks is the best thing ever! This is Brenna's lip gloss and new headband. He was not asked to do this. haha. I found him this way.

I actually think it is very funny. He thinks it is very pretty. haha.

His new thing is to give a thumbs up to the camera.



This was taken the same day. As you can tell from the photo, he is rather fashionable. His underwear is inside out, no pants, and of course, rocking the infamous john deere boots!!!
And lets not forget the spongebob bandaid. Put on his leg for no other reason than Brenna had one. It's hard being a fashion icon. But if someone has to do it, why not let it be a 2 year old little south Georgia boy.

Etsy: Up and Running

I finally put up my first item on etsy tonight. It has taken me years to do so. But I did it. I still have a lot more paintings to get done this week. I need to get them up there asap!

I will be selling original paintings, and maybe a few drawings, along with painted monogram canvases. They will be custom orders. If you are interested please contact me at standonthedge@yahoo.com . Or if you have an etsy account (which you will need one to order-they are free) you can also convo me there. I check it all daily.

Unforunately the pictures didn't turn out so well of this painting. So I will have to try again tomorrow. And now I must go and paint.

You can check it all out at www.standonthedge.etsy.com

Etsy Rules!!

Get ready all of you handmade fans!! My etsy shop is about to be open for business!!! Who's excited?!! I AM!!!!!

I bought supplies today and should have the art up this week. I will definitely let everyone know.
I will be starting out with oil painted canvases of original abstract pieces. And also monogrammed, name, and letter canvases for children's rooms. Lots more will be added soon. I just need to get all of my ideas down on paper and get the supplies ready.

I am so very excited. I can not wait to share this with you all. I will be doing custom orders as well.
Oh, and for all you Twilight fans out there!! I have a few special pieces in mind. That will be ready in a couple of weeks. I will keep you all informed of all the excitement.

The Meadow

I started on a new painting tonight. It has been for what seems like years since I even picked up a paint brush. And actually if I really think about it, it has. Wow!! I have pushed my passions aside for so long now. I am escaping from that and pulling myself from the trenches of an imprisonment. I do not have to throw myself to the road side. I can have it all. And I will.

I have never felt such a thrill throughout my entire being. Looking at the canvas splashed with oils filled my soul with a complete joy. Smiling even as I cleansed my brush. Excitement spilling over the rim.

This is just the beginning. A love lost, but now awakened. Found in the depth of a hidden person. But everyday I come closer and closer to finding it all.

I will post a photo of the finished painting soon. And it will be for sale in my etsy shop-which I will post a link for that too.

A Statement

OK. Just because you read my blog does not mean you know me. I am a complete person with a trillion pieces to display. And a trillion to keep locked away inside my soul. This only shows a few of my of those displaying pieces.

So don't think you have me figured out. Don't think I am not this girl. I am. And you will never have me etched in you head all figured out. This girl is way more complicated than that.

On a little side, and maybe somewhat random, note: I think I am going to start another blog. About reviews of movies, books, products, and whatever else I want to share and I think ppl should look into or try out. I will of course post a link on here.

Pieces of the Spyglass

I just realized today that I have a problem committing to things. Not everything. Obviously I am married and I have three children. I have this blog, but I recently started this. And it is really a place for me to vent and keep a record of my life in a way that intrigues my mind.

It was brought to my attention that I have yet to take in complete commitment to my career choice. A career I sort of fell into. But I love. I know the reason why changing the way someone looks is thoroughly enjoyable to me. Because I adore creating. I am an artist at heart. That is where my heart will swim to the tree tops and sing for all to hear. Embracing the beauty of things is sweetness.

I am now aware things need to be done to keep me in a job. Self-discovery may need to speed up a bit. And today part of that was pieced together. A little more searching will get me to the reason behind the culprit. But who knows how long that could take. Time is not on my side. And my head is already spinning.

The things I do know are a little clouded. So it yet to be seen....

slipping through my fingers

This morning started out not unlike that of a battle. I was so desperate for sleep and it became impossible as the kids began waking. I dragged myself out of bed and routinely got Emily her bottle. Trent was especially whiney, which added to my already ill mood. I retreated to a hot shower. Aaahhhh! So wonderful to have an escape. Luckily the kids can behave themselves while I am bathing.

We all got ready and rushed out the door to try and get to church on time. I was in such a hurry I forgot to grab Emily's diaper bad. Luckily they keep extra diapers in the nursery. Things were finally coming to a halt.

Graduation is next Saturday here where I live. So our church service was dedicated to the seniors that attend there. Along with several coordinated events, there was a skit that pretty much expressed the involvement of parents throughout a persons life. From birth to marriage. This pulled at my heart. My tears streamed down my face as I raced my hand to wipe them before my neighbors could witness.

At that moment I realized what had been plaguing me the last couple of days. Brenna is growing up each day and it is beyond my control. And I need to enjoy every waking second I have with her. Relish in the fact she wants to be near me.

Even upon opening and reading the material sent home with Brenna from school, designed to get her ready for kindergarten, tears came to my eyes. My self-assured little 4 year old was about to be 5 and she was delighted. While I was over there sulking at the loss of my first born.

Obviously I want my children to grow up and lead independent and successful and happy lives. But while I am so aware of the growth happening right before my very eyes it triggers these rivers. Now I must document it all. Break out the camcorder once again. Because that I can control.

Leaps and Bounds

The other day Emily was walking with a toy that is made to help babies begin walking and then it turns into a little car. Well, you would have thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever experienced. Even better than taking a bath or eating in her highchair (two things she loves dearly).









Brenna was helping her out when she would need to turn around because she had reached a dead end. Brenna is an absolutely wonderful big sister to both Trent and Emily. She was never jealous and never acted out against them. Trent has never acted jealous towards Emily either.

Well while big sister, Brenna, was assisting little sis, Emily, she grabbed a gold beaded play necklace and put it around Emily's neck. Then proceeded to say "Here, Emily, now you can go shopping." I think I had the biggest smile smacked across my face in that moment of sweetness. It even warms my heart to think about it now.

That afternoon when Justin got home from work I had him come to the back room -where all three of the kids were playing together. I brought the 'walking toy' with us. As soon as Emily placed her eyes onto the glorious devise she lit up. A smile so wide. I put it in front of her and Justin placed himself across the room from her. She got up and placed her hands on the yellow handle and away that little chick flew. She sped across the room towards Justin as fast as her tiny little limbs would go. It was so funny. She knew what she was doing and she was going to do it the best she could.

Photos Galore...

I really need a new camera-well I guess I don't need one. I WANT one!!!

Unfortunately I will not be getting a better camera anytime soon. This being due to lack of funds. Maybe I will get money for my upcoming birthday that I can put towards one of these (doubtful though-but still hopeful)...

This is my current camera. It is sooo old!! We bought this little 4 mp baby right after Brenna was born. As you can see I obviously would want a new one-and in a way I do need it. ha.

NIKON D5000

I think this is the camera I would choose for me right now. I would want a more professional one later, because yes one of my many passions is photography. I love to take pictures. I love to look at art photographs. Whether I will be able to pursue anything is beyond me for the moment, but atleast I can have a good camera to take awesome pictures. To make art with. And to capture life, my life and the life around me.

NIKON D90

This camera is (although sad to say) out of my league. Hopefully one day it won't be. But for now for several reasons it is. The price is ridiculous and I feel silly even putting it up on here. I wouldn't even know where to start using it. I would learn I know-but yeah. I will be reasonable.

CANON EOS REBEL T1I

I do not know much about this camera. I just saw a commercial for it and it seemed great. So here it is in my 'wishlist'.

On a brighter note. I will be getting some canvases this weekend! YAY!! So I will finally get to paint again. And I will be listing them on my etsy shop. Hey-maybe they will sell and I can get my camera-hehe.

what now?

Here i am again. But this time around I am actually aware of what I am going through and I am trying. Last time I "found myself" I wasn't aware I was. I was just living and discovering things day by day. Experiencing life as it came my way. It was an awesome journey. But now I feel lost at times. And a little helpless. I guess because I have a lot more at stake this go around.

A family. I kind of lost myself in my family. I "let myself go" so to say. In more ways than one too. But I am working on all of that. Some things are easier than others. ha

I wonder what makes up a person? Are you the person you want to be or what others think of you? Do you create your own self? Or do you uncover someone that will always be?

It is so weird for me to reach deep and talk about it all. I feel vulnerable. But I want to be able to look bakc at this years from now and realize things about me. To see how far I came.

It is a hard thing for - letting go. Just allowing people to see inside my soul. I barely let my husband. (I guess this is where I need to start-to discover who I am). I am scared of rejection. I am scared of getting hurt and that builds a survival wall around me. I do this with everyone in my life with the exception of my children.

But I want to let people in. Not everyone, but the people that matter the most to me. The people that deserve it. I guess I must search for a way to do this. I must start from the very beginning. Opening up will be my first step in self-discovery i suppose. And I am scared. And I am unsure how to go about it.

Here i go though. Holding my breath all the way.

Walk on Over Here

Can I just say I am so excited. Emily can walk!!!! Yes. She can stand up alone and put one foot in front of the other without falling over. She seems so small to be able to accomplish such a task, but she did it!

When I had dried her off and dresssed her after her bath I stood her up and she tried to walk to Justin. He was too far for her so she didn't quite make it-but the effort she put into it was amazing. I made Justin come get on the floor with me and have her walk back and forth between us. (this is how we got Brenna to start walking-she was 11 1/2 mo and after that night she started to walk everywhere).

It makes me think how she will be my last baby. Wow! That is sad and in a way it is relieving. No more pregnancies. I adore my children, but with each pregnancy there were more and more complications. So, yes, I had a tubal done right after they removed Emily from inside of me (i had a c-section-with all 3 births actually).
I am trying to appreciate every day now. Live in every second. Enjoy my kids while they are still little.

The First Born

Self-assured. Confident. Eager learner. Social. Empathetic. Interacts well with both children and adults. Creative.

These are some of the words my 4 year old's pre-k teacher used to describe Brenna in her progress report. Words that would make any mother proud.

These are things I have wanted Brenna to express, and characteristics I have encouraged. I know that she is an amazing child and person. And I am so happy that she shows that to others.

I am always aware of how certain things will affect my children. But it is scarey sometimes because you can not be there 24/7, especially when they get into school. This reassures me that Justin and I are doing our job to prepare her for life.

I know she is only 4 and has a lot more ahead of her, but I think these years are the most critical. I want them to be proud of who they are. And love themselves.

I hope we can keep Brenna (and of course Trent and Emily too) on the right paths. To becoming beautiful inside (they will definitely be beautiful outside) and independent and self-loving.

Sleep Everlasting

I feel as though I have not seen Emily in days. But it has only been about a half a day. We had quite a busy day yesterday. And all three of my little squirts were exhausted before we were even able to make it home. Emily especially. Alot of running around really wears on those under one. (haha)

That little girl went to sleep shortly after arriving home (and had fallen asleep and stayed that way through my last errand). She did not wake up until this morning a little before we had to leave to drop Brenna off at school. That means she slept for about 15-16 hours*. Straight! Crazy! ha.

*and it was not sickness bc she has been better since sunday afternoon.

poptarts are yummy!

quarterlife crisis??

Well, a couple months ago I realized my head was spinning and my mind was so crowded that my thoughts were spilling out all over the place. I could not keep track of any of it. When I stopped to grasp my thinking I would be in a completely different place than I knew. I felt helpless and out of control. I hate to feel out of control. (that is why I don't drink-I don't want to not be able to think straight). I felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. Or who I had even become. Who was this girl or woman? Was I a woman already? And what in the world does that even mean?

It takes a lot out of you to come to terms with these sort of feelings. And I felt pulled in a million different directions. Contemplating every aspect of my life. I mean every single part of it. Wondering what had happended to the person I used to be. Had I just abandoned her for this wife and mother person i now had become? Was there room for her again? Where in the world (or my head) would I find her/ find ME?

It really did take a while for me to get ahold of my thoughts and feel like I had some grip on things that were going on in my own head. And now I am searching. It probably will take a while though. But I am ok with that. What I felt crazy about was the fact that I was finding myself again. At 25, married, and with three children. I mean who finds theirself now? I couldn't quite feel normal. But I do now. And I know there is room for everything here inside. Because I am a not just a mother or a wife. I am also something outside of those two roles. And I am learning who that is everyday.

I am no longer scared. I am excited. Excited about change and bringing more fullfilment into my life. And the lives of my children and husband. Because I surely know Justin would love to see that person he fell in love with.

Sickness Becomes Us

I took these Saturday morning. While I was getting ready for work. Trent and Emily were up at 3 am with high fevers. I gave them both tylenol and then had to put them in a bath because there temp was not going down. The bath worked good. Thank goodness. And they both went back to sleep right after.

You can see the sickness on poor little Emily's face. She felt so horrible. I had to two appointments that day and i didn't know the number of the people to cancel. So I was able to get my sister to take Emily to the doctor. Trent didn't go because he was acting fine (just had a little fever). They could not find anything. But gave her an antibiotic just in case she was getting strep or an ear infection.

Well, today they are both much better. And luckily Brenna was not affected.

Brenna the Photographer

Brenna loves to take pictures and she has gotten pretty good (keep in mind she is only 4 years old). These are some she took Friday afternoon of Trent.

Music for Life

I just had to write about how much music can influence my mood. It doesn't neccessarily take my happy mood and turn it sad. But it can increase the feeling I am having. And quite possibly (not to contradict myself) help push a certain mood to the surface.
I really wish there were soundtracks in real life. Like why can't we have music start playing while we are kissing or having sex? That would make all those emotions so much more intense. And how awkward is it to stop while you are in the moment and turn on a cd? Yeah. Sorry, but I think I would feel a little silly. But maybe I should try it. Ha.
But maybe that is why I like movies so much.

All By Myself!

Being proud of your kids just comes with parenthood. It is something that is unavoidable. The littlest things will make you smile and want to shout from the rooftops that Trent says "thank you." everytime it is neccessary.

And trust me. I know how annoying it can be. But I too am guilty. And I must warn you. That is what this post is all about. My bragging rights as a mommy. So if you can not listen to any more that is perfectly fine with me. I will understand. Here it goes:

Emily can stand all by herself!! Yes! Can you believe it? It is the cutest thing because she is so small. Brenna and I try to get her to do more now that we have seen her doing it. Sometimes she is just not into letting her little legs hold up her tiny frame so she will slowly sit herself back down. Today I was able to manage a few shots of her standing.

these boots were made for walking...

Trent is so funny. He loves shoes!! Very much! He especially likes boots.

Doesn't matter what kind: Brenna's rainboots, Brenna's fashion boots, or even his own john deere boots. I love my little boy. I do wonder how embarrassed he will be when I break out these pictures of him for his girlfriend to view. I guess this is what happens when your older sibling ,of whom you look up to dearly, is a girly girl.

vanishing diaper

Well this morning when I went in to get Emily out of her crib She was standing there fussing at me. I picked her up and to my astonishment felt her cute little butt-skin on skin. I looked at her and then looked in the crib. Her diaper just laying there open. and then a big wet pee spot on her sheet.

This just made me laugh inside.

A few weeks ago when I went in to get her after her nap I found a much worse outcome. A sweet little baby girl covered in her own poop. So gross and so funny, because she was just smiling at me. It was everywhere.

She was very carefully picked up and rushed to the tub. That was the fastest (bc I had to go get Brenna from school right then) and the most thorough bath i have ever administered.

I should start bringing the camera in with me to document the crazy things I find her getting into.

what can i get into now?

happy mommy day!

All the moments that compose of being a mother are incredibly indescribeable sometimes. Unless you are speaking to another mommy. They understand all the craziness your mind has to deal with and the crazy love. Before you have a child you think you know love, but then when you are a parent that love you knew is blown away by the new love you can feel.

Even though there are times I feel so overwhelmed and tired. There are so many more moments I am reminded how blessed I am to have three beautiful children to love. And every smile I see from them takes all the headaches away.

point of no return

Like I said. I would post more pics with my hair fixed. Well, this is after working all day, but who really cares? No one, I am quite sure.

I am still getting used to looking at myself with a very cute fringe. I have not had bangs since the 4th grade. And even then I remember I would wear them back in barettes because I was growing them out.

I am currently in the awfully long process of growing my hair out long again. It would be a pretty good ways along had I not gotten the urge to just cut it back off again and again and again. But I have stuck it out for a while now. And I am finally past the hideous "in between" stage. I did have to thin the mess out though when my bangs were cut. That was already planned.

Justin doesn't really like the bangs. He thinks my hair looked "cool" before. My mom informed me today that they make my face look fatter. But I am not one of those people that stops liking something just because someone else doesn't approve. I do like them. I do think they would look better on me if i were thinner. But just because I am not doesn't mean it is an awful looking hairstyle. Let me just stop because I think that may turn into a completely different blog.



By the way I have to get all my "things" in order and then I will start getting healthy. I will keep it updated on here. I am excited!

She Bangs

ok. So I got bangs. Yes, I like them. These are pics of me with my hair air-dried and no makeup. So needless to say once my hair and face are fixed the cut will look a lot better! I will post better pictures very soon.

Rachel Getting Married

I just finished watching this all by my lonesome. All my lovies are sleeping. I felt obligated to blog about this raw and absolutely beautiful in all aspects of life film.

( If you have watched it already and do not agree please remember this is my opinion. )

It starts out pretty slow. Which is probably why this was the second time I rented it. I didn't feel as much intrigue (or maybe it was just boredom) last time around.

But once you wait it out, you get to see some real emotional baggage. And it unwinds in the realistic manners I would think. I cried a lot of the time. But it is not all about sadness. I felt it was quite enriching.

And I am wondering if there is a soundtrack. The music was great.

why do we talk so much about our kids??

This sums it up pretty well. I totally agree with Rebecca. So here you go..watch the video.

http://http//www.momversation.com/episodes/Why-Do-We-Talk-About-Our-Kids-So-Much

Let me know what you think.

late night with baby

Emily took the longest of all three of my beautiful offspring to sleep through the night. I believe it is because she was breastfed the longest. But who knows.

Anyways, lastnight she went to bed an hour or so early. Even though I knew i the back of my overly thoughtful head that she would be waking up before I went to sleep.

I WAS RIGHT!

This little darling was up before Justin went to bed (which was around 11pm). She immediately went to him too. It was so precious. She looked at him like she hadn't seen him in days and was so thrilled at the sight of her wonderful daddy that she just had to have him right then.

I tried several times to put her back to bed with utter failure. I finally caved and decided I would just let her stay wide open until she started to drift. And luckily that worked.

It is so funny though. Because everytime I walked into her room she knew what was up. She knew I was going to try to make her sleep and that was just out of the question. Not going to happen unless it was on her terms.

Well done little Emily. You won this one.

until death do us part

I can honestly say that I never thought Justin and I would divorce. I told myself I would not marry just because I was pregnant with a child he and I created. I wanted to be sure of this union. I did not want to divorce. I felt is was the easy way out.

I still feel like Justin and I will stay together forever. I still do not want to get a divorce. My parents divorced when I was 4. This did not impact me very much (neither negatively or positively). Both of my parents were remarried within a year of their parting, and I enjoyed my step parents very much. So, I do not think that couples should stay together soley for the children. Children need to see their parents happy and loving one another. I strongly believe that plays are large part of having an emotionally stable child (and later adult).

As far as divorce being the easy way out...I do take that back. Who am I to judge someone's reasoning for wanting to end a relationship? No one that is. And even though I do not agree that parents should stay married only because they have a child/ren, I do know that is a greater reason to work things out and sacrifice a short time of happiness to make sure that a divorce is the right thing for you.

OK! That was not supposed to turn into that.

Back to Justin and I. Our whole relationship has had obstacles. It has never really been the easy road. Obviously we are in love with eachother, otherwise this relationship/marriage would have already ended soon after it began. Yes, sometimes I wonder what the heck I am doing here. But that doesn't last for very long.

Recently for some reason my love for Justin has been brightened again. I feel myself wanting to be close to him constantly. I want to make him happy. I can feel us becoming a unit. We are learning how the other thinks and letting things go a lot sooner.

I know that more arguments and disagreements are just around the corner, but until then I am going to bathe in this bliss of loving my husband and being utterly happy to be with him. I know we will get through whatever is thrown our way. We have already gotten through a lot.

Four years and counting...