Thursday, December 31, 2009

Misha Lulu, I love you!

I absolutely adore Misha Lulu designs. I first thought I could not afford these awesome children's clothes, but then I came across the wonderful Surplus Store. YAY!! I am in love with the vintage and whimsical feel. And where I am from it is pretty difficult to find unique clothing.

Here are a few pieces I like-although I must say-I think I really like it all!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Kids Decor-Part One

There are several things I am wanting right now. Not just for myself, but for my home and dog, and more.

First of all, I am wanting to decorate Brenna and Trent's bedroom. Since we live in a 3 bedroom, they share a room. Emily has the smallest room. And Brenna and Trent have the largest room (honestly, their room is huge-it is bigger than mine and Justin's room). Currently they have a bunkbed with a built-in desk. I hate this thing. I can't make Brenna's bed. And can barely make Trent's. It feels so awkward also. So we are going to get them twin beds when able.

I definitely want this bedding for Brenna. And I think this bed is very classic, and is gender neutral, so it would be great for both Brenna and Trent.

I love this iron bed. But I am not sure what I would rather do. Especially since I would like for them to have the same bed while they share a room.

I just thought this was so cute. If Trent had his own room, this is how I would love to decorate it.

And Brenna would love this. It would be cute for Emily also.

All of this can be found at The Land of Nod. They have so many great things for kids decor. I could look around there forever. And it gives great inspiration.

To care or Not to care

I sometimes think that I should try to not care about certain things. But then again, that wouldn't be me. And also, I might miss something that could make me look like a complete dumby, and I do not want to be such.

But here I am all stressed and worried, because I do care. There is no problem with caring. Unless there are other people involved that might not care as much.

I have trouble fully trusting. I feel I should never completely let my guard down. And I don't. Not even with my husband. And if given any reason to question my impartial trust in you, makes me raise red flags everytime I encounter a hint of a question. This is stressful. And makes me want to just not care. But then I am faced with knowing that I can be made to look foolish. And I do not like that.

What to do..what to do...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Stealing from the Moneyless

I checked my ebay account a little while ago, and saw that I had like $13 more in my ebay bucks. WHAT? HOW? Did justin buy something? I will kill him. Did they double my bubks, triple them?

So I opted to check the details of where all my bucks had come from. And much to my surprise I had purchased something for a whopping $688!! Now to some this may be a tiny amount. But for those of us who live paycheck to paycheck, this is a very large amount!! Especially when that is more then your paycheck.

I thought maybe it was a glitch with their systems. So I thought I would check my paypal. Surely it hadn't come from there. But better safe than sorry. WELL..I WAS SORRY!! There it was right before my very own eyes. A payment for $688. I wanted to cry, while my heart nearly pounded from my chest. What to do? What to do?

In a panic I sent a message to the seller, telling them not to mail the package. I then realized I should file a claim with paypal. So I did that. And then I changed my password and security questions. I then called my bank, which was not very helpful, because the payment was pending. WELL STOP IT FROM PENDING!! But they couldn't.
SO I them called paypal. I just had to make sure I had done all that I could do. And I had.

Now all I can do is wait. Wait and hope I get my money back very soon. They say the longest it will take is 10 days, but it usually gets resolved in a couple.

For the time being, I am moneyless. And realizing I should periodically change my passwords. And I am still freaking out a little.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The End of Another Year

Christmas is over. And a new year is about to begin. It feels crazy to me. This year has flown by so quickly, without time for a breath. It scares me a little to think we are about to be starting a brand new year. And this one will have passed, just as all the others. And then the new one will pass a little more quickly. I feel I need to hold on tight and try to slow the clock. But I have no control here. And that scares me a little more.

I am torn. I want these next couple years to rush by, so I can finally be finished with school and in my career. But I want them to be slow, so I can hold my babies longer. So I don't miss them growing.

The photos are from Christmas Eve, right before my mom brought the kids their presents from her. And Emily had gotten Trent's toothbrush. He tried to take it from her, but lost that battle. I happened to have the camera right by me to document. I want to sqeeze these moments into a box and always remember them. I want to have a million more fights, and kisses, and hugs, and playtimes, and naps, and snuggles.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Happy (day after) Christmas

Well, Christmas was excellent. Of course! Our kids had an awesome amount of gifts to go along with all the great family fun. And even Justin and I got a few presents this year. I wasn't expecting anything. We did not, however, buy for eachother this year. But that is not the meaning of Christmas, or the importance.

Justin was freaked out that the kids didn't have enough for Christmas gifts. But I thought they had more than enough. I won out, and he realized they indeed had A LOT. I do not think you should bankrupt yourself in order to buy presents for your children (or anyone for that matter).

I want my children to appreciate the gifts they receive, and overly excessive gifting will ensure they expect a lot all the time. And with that expectation comes unapprecaition and entitlement. I want my childrent to be thankful. To know that there are some children that do not get presents. I want my children to be giving and gracious. And I do believe that they are so far. I might need to remind them to say thank you, but that is to be expected with children of their ages.

I am so blessed. I thank God every night for my three little blessings.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Traditions are important

I am so excited for this weekend. I can not wait for my sister, and her family, to get here friday. Then Saturday we are celebrating Christmas with my extended family. I love this time of year. I have always thoroughly enjoyed getting together with my big family. And over the years we have grown, with my some cousins and I being married and having children of our own. It is so exciting. I hope this tradition continues, even when the older generations are no longer here with us.

Family has always been very important to me. I always was so proud of how close our family was. But when my Papa died I felt us kind of drift a bit. Maybe it was all in my own head, but it felt he was the one who brought us so close. He and my Nana have been great influences in all of our lives.

We have still continued with our holiday traditions. Over the years they have been tweaked here and there, but pretty much the same. And I have still always looked forward to getting together on Thanksgiving and for Christmas. But this year I think I am more excited.

For some reason, Thanksgiving felt a little different this year. It felt warmer, like in the old days. Everyone felt more sincere, and closer. And I am so excited for our Christmas celebration. I love my family.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Where to go from here

I look back at pictures of myself before I ever got pregnant, and I can not help but think how in the world Justin would still be attracted to me. I look completely different. I am envious of that girl in those photos. She could be sexy, even though she didn't think about it. She could be confident, even though at times she wasn't. She could wear whatever she wanted, although she was still modest. And she was completely free, and she did exercise it somewhat.

But I try to think about how much I have changed. I know definitely in appearance. And self-esteem. But have I changed so much in other ways? I am just a completely different person altogether?

Every once in a while I can feel that 19 year reaching or the surface. She has to still be in here somewhere. And hopefully one day I will uncover her. Be the me I know I am. The me I feel I am, but am too afraid to express in this body.

But why am I too afraid to truly be myself in this body? I guess because I am not confident. This shell doesn't allow for much, and I can't even dress the way I want. I feel like the people that have only known me this size, do not even know me at all. I have almost forgotten who I am.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Most of the Time

Life is amazing most of the time. Everyday I catch glimpses of happiness in the eyes of others. I love to know that people feel love. Especially children. I love working with kids, and have a passion for working with the children who need that extra push, or love, or smile, or hug, or encouraging word. Those are the differences I can make. And I want to make a difference in atleast one persons life, if I do more-then that would be awesome.

It literally breaks my heart into pieces when I hear about a child that is in bad circumstances, or situations. I want to help them. To pull them from the pain, and let them know that life can be better, it will get better. To bring a smile to their faces.

I think in order to succeed in your career, and be happy, you need to have a passion for what you are doing in life. Whether it be building homes, fixing leaky faucets, planting trees, working with children, painting, or delivering babies-you need to have a desire for it.

I am so blessed in so many ways. And I am thankful for that.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Not MY Plan

There are many days I think to myself how easy life would be if I had no children, or even if I only had one. But I don't. I have three. And sometimes it feels like four. ha. But I love it. And even though some days I am overworked, and overstressed-I am still happy. I am genuinely happy with the fact that Justin nad I have three amazing children. All unplanned, but very welcomed.

My Family from

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Santa: yes or no?

I never really thought too much about whether telling my children that there was a Santa Claus who brought them gifts on Christmas Eve. I believed in Santa, so where was the harm in it all? I was on a site recently that I frequent, and on one of the forums a parent was talking about howthey do not "do Santa" in their home. Then as I continued to read the other posts I saw many other parents who didn't "do Santa". They all had their reasons: some were religious, some were simply about trust.

It got me thinking, was there any harm in allowing my children to believe in Santa? Would they be scarred, and unwilling to trust the things I tell them?

As far as not talking about Santa because of religious beliefs, that does not have much affect on whether I tell my children that there is a bearded, old man in a red suit that brings them gifts the night before Christmas. I was raised Christian, and my parents still told me there was a Santa. I was upset when I found out he wasn't real though. ha.

But I guess I sometimes get stuck in my own bubble. I do not really realize the contraversies around things I have always viewed as harmless fun, and in a way tradition. We are still telling our kids about Santa. There is not much talk about him, but my children get photographed with Santa, and they think that he brings them presents on Christmas Eve. We have fun with it, and the kids enjoy it.