Thursday, June 11, 2009

My Cup Overflows

There are so many things I want to dabble in. A few I have, butthen it becomes very clear I can not do it all. Atleast not at the same time.

Several weeks ago, my mother-in-law stopped watching my two youngest two days a week. This caused me to have to limit my work schedule to only two days a week instead of four. (Justin doesn't work on fridays, so he is able to watch the kids then and Sat.). At first I was upset. But not entirely. Part of me had wanted a reason to be able to stay home with my children while they are young. But then again I didn't want to be confined. I wanted to get out and do my own thing too. I had to maintain an identity outside of being a mother.

Lately, I have been trying to figure out just what it is that I want to do with my life. Do I want to be a full time hairstylist? Do I want to just do it part time and do my dabbling? Or do I want to completely work from home? I really am so confused.

Of course, I want to do what would be best for my kids. I want to be with them, and I want them to be able to take them to the movies, theme parks, shopping trips, etc. But I really have no idea what is best. I am quite torn. And sure, I could have both. Do the part time hairstylist and do part time work from home. But then I feel I could not give 100% to both.

So here I sit. Wondering what I should do. What would Justin want? He is supportive of me painting and crafting. But he is not ready for me to give up my career I am currently in. I am not ready to quit it either. We just both know that I need to be bringing in some income.

Creating is what I love. My first passion being painting. I just started sewing, which I am really enjoying. I like doing hair. I really like it. But the whole social aspect is not really for me. It stresses me sometimes. When I am creating something, whether it be art or a haircut, I get in my zone. I concentrate and think about what I am doing. Sure I am able to speak, but to have to think about what to say to someone, just to make small talk, while I am trying to crate a lovely hairstyle-well, that is rather stressful. I am not rude. I am not stuck-up. I am just not very talkative or nosey with people i don't know well.

I really need to get things figured out. And soon!!

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