Sunday, May 30, 2010

Back to the Everyday

My sister left today after lunch. It felt strange this time around. I felt like she was taking a piece of me with her. I was even sad to see my brother-in-law leaving.

I guess I can really tell I need a change in my life. I need people here that I feel safe enough to let into my world. That doesn't happen often. I am a pretty closed off person. Consider yourself one awesome being if I allow you even a look into this world of mine.

It has always been very difficult for me to let myself get very close to someone. And in relationships I have usually tried to push the other person away if I felt I was letting my guard down. I guess it's my defenses taking over-damage control. I don't want to get hurt. So I force the other person out in order to not get too close.

This was somewhat problematic with my marriage. But I think I am a little more mature now and luckily I have a husband who really does love me-so he puts up with it. ha. I have gotten a lot better about being scared with Justin. But I think I will always be very wary when it comes to being true friends with someone.

I pretty much stick the the surface. And with only a few people will I go deeper.

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