Here I sit in my living. Typing away on my keyboard. Trent watching "Harold and the Purple Crayon", Emily eating a poptart in her highchair, and Brenna coloring at the kitchen table. It is 8:15 am. And I am awake, while my husband is still in the bed. Getting to sleep in is no longer available for me. Sometimes I do sneak it in here nad there. But if the baby is ready and determined to be removed from her cage-then mommy must remove herself from her cloud of slumber.
This is my life, and I accept it. I love having children. If it wasn't for money, and health, I would have more. Sure they drive me crazy a lot of the time, but mostly they make me smile. And as I watch them grow, the tears swell my eyes. I know it is only a matter of time I will see my babies leaving my nest.
It is crazy to think how one day I was trying to figure out what I wanted out of life. And then I was pregnant. It was a huge shock! But I grew to be comforted by Brenna being inside me. Then quickly came into being so uncomfortable I knew I never wanted to be "with child" again. She was everything I had hoped for. First of all she was a GIRL!
When I became pregnant with Trent, we were both excited. We had so much fun and love with Brenna, of course one more would make it even better. There were a couple of skeptics-"you have no money, what are you going to do?""I can't believe you!"
But we didn't care. God will always make a way-I have learned. When we discovered the little joy inside me was a boy-it was even more exciting. Now we would be complete. A boy and a girl. As I nursed him, it was strangely familiar. He looked just like Brenna had at birth and it felt as though I was feeding her again.
Not long after I had given birth to trent I was pregnant with Emily. Although she was quite unexpected, it was a shock anymore. I never wanted three children. I felt it was unbalanced, and the third child is always rotten, and the middle child grows to feel forgotten. But we were about to be a family of five. And when we found out she was a SHE-I was so thrilled. Another little girl. Justin was excited to have another girl too. She was my smallest, but if she had not been premature she would have been my largest. She was born at just under 36wks and was a hefty 9lbs+. She is a petite little thing now-just like Trent.
I think we have done a pretty good job at making sure none of our three children feel left out of the love. They all get hugged and kissed atleast twice a day. And are all told "I love you" on random. And we expect the same from all three. I try to be consistent. It is hard sometimes. Especially with the different ages and personalities. But all three oF our beauties are happy and healthy.
And while my body has been completely transformed-and I hate it. I am happy.
Sometimes I do think how easy it would be with just one child. Or especially easy with none. But that doesn't mean I don't want my kids. I want them more than anything. Sure life would have been easier, but might not have been as fulfilled.
I love you, Brenna, Trent and Emily.